but sometimes you get let down, sometimes the people you love, the people you trust, people you call your friends end up exposing their true selves. the layers get peeled back, and everything that you saw that was once golden and magnificent seems to decay to a horrendous shades of darkness, the anger, their demons are revealed and the sight is terrifying.
i got the opportunity to attend the annual Sasquatch Music Festival at the Gorge Amphitheatre. needless to say that weekend was quite imperfect. there were few moments that contained smiles and laughter, intoxication and too much dancing, chain smoking and listening to amazing music. but mostly i am just cursed with unfortunate luck sometimes and it just so happened so much combusted all at once. Sean and I ended up fighting for the first two days, it was absolute terrible, i suddenly found myself not wanting to be there but i pushed through, i know he always says cruel things when his fury takes hold but it hurts, it just fucking hurts. i was so upset that he was doing this to me and how he ruined part of my weekend, how he just couldn't be happy even though he was under a lot of stress but he knew how much this meant to me. on top of all this bullshit, Kelly was the most awful negative force of energy i have experienced in a long time. right from the get go, we hadn't even left fucking Vancouver yet and she was being rude to me. throughout the weekend she continued to maintain her pessimism, isolating herself from everyone either keeping away talking to her "new bf" on the phone or reading her iBook. i was not ignorant to her behavior and i constantly asked her what was wrong or asked her to join in on things with me but her actions prevailed. she was constantly complaining every day and informing me how she wanted to go home. she acted extremely ungrateful to be there and the main reason this whole dilemma arose was simply because i refused to drive her home monday night. she saw it as a slap in the face, how as her "best friend" i abandoned her but i had THE RIGHT to not let her in my car. i had priorities and i was responsible for all my camping gear and to bring it all back together since i was borrowing all of it, second of all i was not going to let her have her way when she was being an extreme cunt to me and everyone, i do not condone disrespectful behavior especially to people who are innocent in a situation and they've done nothing more than be generous and helpful to her. also, i was informed that the following day she woke up our friends at 4:30 am so they could drive back early, DID NOT EVEN BOTHER TO HELP CLEAN OR PACK ANYTHING while she sat in the car and was being a huge bitch the whole way home and was constantly complaining to them about Sean and I. oh, and she idiotically deleted Sean and I off facebook, real fucking mature of her. it speaks volume about her as a person, really her demeanor was absolutely appalling, i am in complete shock of how she behaved because it was completely outrageous. even after i had left she continues to provoke me by sending me rude condescending messages, hoping to get a rise out of me.
the funny thing is she continues to point the finger at me, having no self awareness whatsoever at how she, herself contributed to the whole debacle. i feel as if we are on different levels of life that she still has a lot of growing up to do. i felt i did what was right for me, she cannot see that i had had enough of her this weekend and i had a lot on my plate, she does not realize how she was being extremely selfish, utterly disrespectful, ungrateful and all around fucking rude this whole trip. i cannot believe her actions, i am truly disgusted. i understand that she feels hurt right now because she feels like i 'abandoned' her and that i was not being a good friend but putting all the blame on me is immature and self-righteous because there is no who's right or who's wrong or who's fault it is, we are both at fault here. we both did and said a lot of things that were hurtful and stupid, but i am aware of how i handled the situation, i know what i did wrong and i take responsibility for it. she on the other hand CANNOT EVEN COMPREHEND HOW FUCKING IMPERTINENT she was to everyone. i am more mad at how she treated others who were ONLY TRYING TO HELP HER than how she acted towards me. no matter if you are infuriated or in a negative headspace, YOU NEVER EVER BE MEAN TO A SOUL THAT IS ONLY BEING KIND TO YOU AND HAS NO INVOLVEMENT IN THE FUCKING PREDICAMENT ITSELF.
despite my anger i only think positively about the future, i think things are just extremely fragile right now that any sort of engagement or discussion will only fuel the fire, i think we both just need a break, and let time heal some wounds because i know i will talk to her when the time is right but right now we just need to feel our own pain and deal with it. i know that i mean a lot to Kelly as I mean a lot to her but in the current state we're in any sort of association or discussion with one another will only worsen the situation. i intend on conversing with her when i'm back from Dresden because that will be enough time to let things breathe and let ourselves have some distance from each other.
although i should've known better in ways because i had known from Paris that she was difficult to travel with and even before Sasquatch she was being an all around shit friend constantly bailing on me so i suppose i saw this coming. it's sad when people's true colors show and their real selves are exposed, how they are ignorant to how they might've acted in the mess and continue to blame you for everything.
it's a war within itself because as much as i am infuriated, i also love Kelly a lot and will always love her unconditionally no matter what happens. only time will tell and let things unfold as their meant to. if it's meant to be for her to stay in my life than it's meant to be and if not i am okay with that as well because sometimes things happen for a reason and sometimes they're painful but at the end of the day you have to accept it for what it is.
