i feel so prohibited to talk to you both.
it's exhausting.
i hate this self-doubt always talking
me into the negativity of it all.
i want my optimism back, please.

p.s [one of you] i bet you know you're
hawt seriously, look at you.


blah. i'm feeling annoyingly insecure again.
and i just want to crawl in a hole and sleep
'till i'm 19. seriously.

i can't take this shitastic reality.
my head hurts and i have 848239048329048
things to do.

please let this week be over. pleasepleaseplease.

x

" If there's just one piece of advice I can give you, it's this -- when there's something you really want,
fight for it, don't give up no matter how hopeless it seems. And when you've lost hope, ask yourself , if 10 years from now, you're going to wish you gave it one more shot. Because the best things in life... they don't come free."


- Meredith Grey

i am trying to feel alright again.
i really am.

it's really difficult trying
not to fall back into that hole
of darkness again.

the vices are always there,
awaiting my [return.]
they watch me closely within my
own solitude.
they are always watching.
hoping i'll come back to them.

and it's been 2 months and i'm
fighting this battle against the demons.
i am winning.
but i am scared.

i feel like i'm getting so close to just
being [alright] and truly appreciating life
and loving myself but then
there are the whispers and i can hear
the voices.
i can feel the presence of evil and darkness
behind me and the memories running through my veins.
my heart pounding.
my mind rewinding with flashbacks.

i can feel myself falling...
falling back to the vices i once knew.
but i have to fight it but it's too hard.

and i know i need to just reach up and
grab something or someone but no one is here.
and i can't help but feel like relapsing.
it's fucking killing me.

i just want to live.
and feel alive.

the vices just feel so much easier to escape
but i can't surrender to them.
i just can't.

i feel so trapped.

could you please do me a favor and just shutup, please?
for a second? could you?

i am so fucking sick of you making these
accusations about me and the people i fancy.
just because i say one thing based on
his appearance does not mean i fancy
him for his looks.

stop fucking acting like you know fucking
everything boys or me FOR THAT MATTER.

because you fucking don't.

JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP.
PLEASE.

he could be perfect
if he was 2 years older
and lived here.


what the fuck is wrong with me?

i don't know what to do.
i feel like i'm wasting my time.
and i hate this feeling.
as much as i feel very content
pieces of me are still missing.
and i'm just waiting.

when will the wait be over?

imissyou.
andwecouldbe.
butweliveindifferentworlds.

why does this feel so prohibited?

Broken Lungs

[Broken Lungs - Thrice]

Woke up to a brand new skyline
We licked our wounds and mourned the dead
Swallowed the story, hook and sinker
Is that what we meant, when we said That we never would forget

Are we fools and cowards all
To let them cover up their lies
'Cause we all watched the buildings fall
And watched the scales fall from our eyes

A fire burns beneath Manhattan
Still we breathe with broken lungs
We act like none of this matters
Is that what we meant, when we said That we’d sing what must be sung

Are we fools and cowards all
To let them cover up their lies
'Cause we all watched the buildings fall
And watched the scales fall from our eyes

We want justice
Scream from the ruins
We want justice
We want the truth

I am freaking obsessed with this song.
I know it about 9/11 but it's a really
powerful song.
Kudos to Dustin Kensrue.
Oh yeah, I am obsessed with
The Alchemy Index Volumes III & IV.
SO KEY.


side note: just keep believing.
my head hurts but i'm alright.
nervousness.
i am shaking.
oh, pictures of possibility.
hope to see you soon.