it's summer, i'm supposed to be happy.
i'm supposed to be okay.
i'm supposed to be stable.
i'm supposed to be living.

but suddenly i'm not.


i am scared.
i am stressed out of my fucking mind.
i am depressed.
i am frustrated.
i am confused.
i am lost.
i am broken.
i am overwhelmed.

and all i want to do is sleep for fucking eternity.
i don't deserve this right now.

and i haven't had a fucking panic attack in over a fucking year.

i hate this so much.
and all i want to do is sleep and scream and fucking do something to get
rid of the monsters boiling inside my chest.
but i can't because i don't have any fucking vice.
and i hate just sitting her waiting for the feeling to subside.

how the fuck are you supposed to call these four walls a home
when you don't feel safe in it?

my sister needs to fucking go to anger management.

i just yelled at her because she was wearing one of my favourite
dresses and i tried to make her take it off and i accidentally got
my hand got in her hair so she thought i was pulling at it,
and she fucking punches my lip and it's fucking bleeding
on the top and bottom. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK.

& everyone thought i was the one who needed to be in an asylum.

THE TRASHY LIFE.

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i need someone to tell me it's going to be okay,
i need someone to hold my hand,
i need someone to hold me, hug me, console me,
in every way possible because

i am so fucking scared,
today was a huge reality check.
i am failing 3 or 4 of my classes,
and it's like FUCK way to find out
last minute with what? 6 days of school left?
and the possibility of me, NOT graduating is
fucking terrifying or not getting into ECUAD,
with my average.

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

& all we ever want is more time.



someone just tell me, it's all going to be okay.
i need to hear it in all it's sincerity & entirety.
i need to believe in that so bad.
because i'm desperate for some piece of hope.