i am trying to feel alright again.
i really am.

it's really difficult trying
not to fall back into that hole
of darkness again.

the vices are always there,
awaiting my [return.]
they watch me closely within my
own solitude.
they are always watching.
hoping i'll come back to them.

and it's been 2 months and i'm
fighting this battle against the demons.
i am winning.
but i am scared.

i feel like i'm getting so close to just
being [alright] and truly appreciating life
and loving myself but then
there are the whispers and i can hear
the voices.
i can feel the presence of evil and darkness
behind me and the memories running through my veins.
my heart pounding.
my mind rewinding with flashbacks.

i can feel myself falling...
falling back to the vices i once knew.
but i have to fight it but it's too hard.

and i know i need to just reach up and
grab something or someone but no one is here.
and i can't help but feel like relapsing.
it's fucking killing me.

i just want to live.
and feel alive.

the vices just feel so much easier to escape
but i can't surrender to them.
i just can't.

i feel so trapped.