living. breathing. remembering.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I think even though I may go to suburban places. Live life in the country for a bit. I swear, I will always be a city girl. Indonesia is beautiful. It reminds me of when I was little and how I used to love the beach so much. I love squidging my toes in the sand, it's possibly one of the most exhiliarating feelings in the entire universe. Not to mention the amount of sun I'm getting here. But that's beside the point. I think this summer has been extremely eventful. I've been on 4 different continents in the span of 2 months, amazing! I've never felt more alive and content in my entire life. It's not just being content, but genuine happiness. That is something to be proud of. I've spent so many years in darkness, drowning in my own atmosphere of pessimism and depression and frustration. I think it takes bravery for someone who's lived like that for so long to suddenly crawl up from the tunnel and find the light. Trust me, it wasn't easy. Not to mention the insane amounts of attempts. But I've made it. I'm here. I'm alive. I am stronger. And I couldn't be more grateful. 

Also, I've been thinking. This summer has been fucking crazy. I've done so many spontaneous things I don't have enough fingers to count them with. And of course the boys of the summer. All the random crushes and the ridiculous one night stands. Even though I get called crazy for it, I wouldn't change any of it. The one night stands, yeah they were fun while they lasted. They gave me a different kind of adrenaline, a different kind of thrill. But really in the end it was all temporary. Nothing lasts. Everything went of in ashes. And I realize now, and thank god sooner rather than later, I want someone permanent in my life. A boy that'll remain in my life. An actual, real relationship. Not random hookups. Not making out. Not just sex. Not just temporary love. I'm not in desperate needs of one but I think I'm done with the one night stands and random hookups at least for a while. Bonus, going to art school in September will give me opportunities to meet tons of new people so I'm pretty stoked on that!

As for frenchie, well I haven't talked to him in over a week, I think it's good. I mean it helps with me not being so attached. This is healthy. Moving on. Just trying to get him out of my head. But of course this isn't easy. I mean, I at least want to still keep in touch with him which I think we will. But in the mean time, whatever we had it was good while it lasted and I'm happy. Okay, maybe a little sad that I didn't exactly get to form the greatest relationship with him but maybe that's something we can work on. And well, I can definitely say I've lived in the moment.