timelapse.

i saw you today. it's been 2 months since i last saw your face. its funny how you forget people and randomly they make a small reappearance in your life, unknowingly and all the feelings you thought you had buried and destroyed long ago resurface with such force.

i miss you, okay. i miss you a lot. and there's nothing i can do. i can't go back to the way things were before. i can't talk to you because you don't want anything to do with me. even though what we had was short it still meant something to me. it still affects me. i think its that part of me that gets drawn to tragedy. infectious. inevitable. i know everyone is broken but there are just some characters that have known hell like the back of their hand. i know you hurt in places, i know your heart's heavy. maybe i just believe in you too much. in everybody. the ludicrous amount of love and belief i have in everyone and everything is so incredibly overwhelming sometimes i just collapse. i have accepted that i have no control over your actions or feelings but in ways i can't help but feel like i could've helped. but maybe fear got in the way. uncertainty is the line drawn between us. so i guess i'll never know. all i have are maybes and broken memories of what's left of this scenery.

you didn't see me and i wonder what could've changed if you did. would you smile? would you say hello? would you look away? would you ignore me? you know i don't believe in hate and i can't hate you but what i'll never know is the sudden distance. declination of communication. i'll never know why or how. but even though i miss you, i'm okay. because everything happens for a reason. and sometimes things change, and you'll never know and it hurts and you'll cry but i've learn to pick myself up again.

and this is strange moment, right now. a beautifully, painful happiness. perhaps you don't always have to be completely stitched together to feel absolutely centered and even with the few bruises and scrapes, its okay. today. today is okay.