I constantly feel that my heart is too big for hatred to ever breed in my heart.
Even after all the chaos, all the people who've ever left some detriment, scars, and painful memories. I always forgive them because I know the past isn't meant to be kept alive within the present.
It's always disheartening when specific individuals entered your life and made an impact on you in that very moment in time yet somehow something happens that tears you apart and two people that were once so close become strangers. Whether it be friends or lovers.
I miss an old friend. I miss many of them. But especially you. I know what happened last summer never really found closure, it never found its peace.
But even though I miss you every day and the times we shared I'll never forget you were the one individual that taught me how to trust. You taught me how to laugh and to embrace being absolutely ridiculousness with no fucks given. The summer after we graduated and all hell broke loose, all those late nights and indulging in absurd shenanigans. Rebel, rebel. That time I first tried MDMA with you and Potter and I had never felt so infinite. How you were there when I met Sean. Our love for the Jonai and having no denial. Being together in Paris even though we had our moments of anguish. You were my first real friend that understand my affliction, why I had such intense feelings and my bad habits of taking a knife to the skin. You were the first that I actually confided in even with the short period of time of knowing you. We were inseparable. Sisters. As if your blood was mine. But I know that we cannot be present in each other's lives right now, that we are both leading different paths. And every day I send out the love hoping that you're okay and that you find happiness even if I am absent. Despite what happened, I'll always love you. Unconditionally.
I may not be a fan of your lover but I hope he treats you right. I hope one day you find the courage within yourself to know that you are one of the strongest individuals I know, and that you are better than him. I know that I cannot fully comment on your relationship because at the end of the day, I don't get to see what happens behind closed doors. I hope that one day you find someone that you don't always need to save. I hope you fulfill your dreams and expand your horizons and see beautiful parts of the world. I hope you can forgive me. I hope that one day the universe will speak and somehow we will be reunited out of the unknown.
I love people so much I can barely fathom it myself. Even though your words were callous and your actions were childish and vindictive. Perhaps I forgive too easily but I know that there is love in your heart and beneath the skin and the bones lies a amazingly beautiful soul inside and out. I wish you all the best old friend, even if the future contains no space for my presence. I understand.
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