so there's that boy again,
who keep occupying my mind.
oh yes, that one. the one from Church.


i honestly cannot fully explain
why i'm so attracted to him.
i feel really stupid, acutally.
well, i guess it's because he
has a really swell personality,
i mean he's really funny and down to earth
and he's just really coo' with an apostrophe.
oh yeah and bonus: he plays guitar and every
other instrument possible AND he listens
to really awesome music.
and he's actually one of those genuine boys
that don't try to fuck you over.
and he has a nice voice when he sings.


what scares me is that all these strange good things
are happening to me and i'm not used to it.
i'm not used to having so much 'happiness' in my life.
i'm used to it being temporary. coming and going.
i'm used to pessimism and pain.
anxiety and depression.
i'm used to feeling alone. hopeless. helpless.


but i think this time around, i'm going to savor it.
i'm going to appreciate it.
because for once, i'm beginning to smile.
and finally, someone has managed to light up the darkness.


oh yeah, and he's the first boy i've ever felt really
comfortable around, no awkwardness, just being myself.
and that's pretty freaking rare.
so i'm going to keep him around.


p.s there's pictures of possibility.
there's maybe even chemistry.

he reminds me of the voices i fall asleep to at night.


i'm starting to believe the Ocean is much like you 'cause it gives and takes away.