I woke up at 5 am, as an attempt to start my history project.
I feel the same as I did about 10 hours ago.
My mind isn't in this at all.

The thing about me when I don't complete an assignment
or where I don't finish something I know I should do,
I am fully aware of the consequences and 90 % of the time,
I accept my failure and possible negative outcomes of the situation.
I don't know if that's maturity or conceitedness speaking out.

It's not that I don't care about school or whatever needs to be done,
it's just that sometimes I fall behind and my mind's just not functioning
the way I want it to. I don't know if it's because of my anxiety or depression,
there is a high possibility it could be taking control. But I don't know.
It's not that I'm lazy or procrastinating.
It's just this feeling in my heart and mind.
I can't explain it.

It's not that I doubt myself about the situation and being a pessimist,
it's just that sometimes I really can't do it at the moment.
Eventually, I will get down to completing my task but sometimes
I just need to feel alright, to know I am capable of doing it, just a little bit more time.

So right now I can feel it everywhere.
Maybe it's the anxiety talking.
But right now I can't finish this.
And I am aware of the consequences.
I am not being indolent,
I just need to be alright.