I swear I'm suffering from Season Affective Disorder.

I am dreading this weather.

It's October which reminds me of last year.

Next week will mark my time in the hospital.

I don't know why the images of being there

still linger in my mind.

I wish I could rid my soul of pain and suffering.

I just don't want to get up in the mornings.

And I am constantly feeling physically,

mentally and emotionally exhausted.

I hate feeling like this because it's even harder

to swim for my life.

"In the sun" by Joseph Arthur has

been on repeat for the past hour.

I love this song.

But it always makes me think too much,

or make me depressed/cry.

It's a beautiful song though.

Today feels different and unproductive.

I need to study but I could care less at the moment.

My mind's occupied by a gazillion thoughts

and I'm losing my concentration in the process.

I'm reminded about India.

And how it made me who I am today.

But I know that I left my heart there.

I would do anything to go back to such

a place with so much contrast.

A beautiful disaster.

I don't know how to stand up without falling back down.

I don't know how to move forward without letting go.

I don't know how to function without thinking about the vices.

I don't know how to love because I can't even love myself.

I don't know.

I never fucking know.

I wish someone could just hold me.

I want to sleep for eternity.