I knew something was wrong. I've known something was wrong for a long period of time now but I've just dismissed the situation completely until today. 

She told me yesterday she needed to tell me something. But she left me with an empty dialogue. So I posed the question this morning and she bluntly, yet shockingly told me how she tried to kill herself over the weekend. I asked how and what? She told me she tried to overdose on heroin and that she had to go to the hospital. I asked her if her parents knew, she told me no. At that moment I knew it was a lie. I have been in that situation before. I have known dark times. I have known detriment. I have known pain. I have known the feeling of being engulfed by your own demons you result to wanting to end everything because it is your only escape.

I knew this was a lie because if you were to go to the hospital especially for attempting suicide they would need parental consent also because she’s under 18/19.  Also, if she was addicted to heroin she'd be incredibly messed up, she wouldn't even be going to school. 

I talked to Danielle, my yoga therapist about it today. I told her how I think she’s been lying about her so-called drug addiction and her suicide attempt as a way to get attention. And it’s a cry for a help when you have to go to these extreme measures, you have to LIE about trying to KILL YOURSELF. 

I’m going to talk to her on Wednesday and tell her how this isn’t mine to burden. This isn’t fair. I’m going to tell her how I’m concerned and that somehow say in a way that makes sense that she’s lying but that this is her desperation for attention and that I believe she needs professional help. It is one thing to talk about things, to friends, to people. But this something beyond my control and she needs someone who knows and is a qualified person in this expertise. I know she doesn’t want help because she’s afraid. I used to be like that too, and in moments I still am. But being honest, displaying your flaws, your damage, your scars. It’s okay. In fact it’s essential. It’s scary, I know. It’s difficult. It’s one of the most terrifying things anyone will ever do and experience in their life but it’s worth it. 

And I would rather her be alive and safe and hate me for the rest of my life and let this friendship fade than find out she killed herself and regret that I never said anything about it/feeling guilty that this was my fault because I knew. 


"Be honest. We all have our dreams and our fears and our questions. The tendency is to keep these things quiet because we don't know what to do with them, or because we're worried that other people will call us crazy. I say it matters. I say you might just find your greatest gifts in those scary places. I say it's worth wrestling with because the world needs more people who have something to say, people who are interested in fixing things, people who are willing to dream... So be honest. It's scary, but it's good."

- Jamie Tworkowski.