The mind is a dangerous weapon.

And I have fallen complete susceptible to it.

I needed to protect my heart,
I didn't listen.

Instead I'm left with emptiness, the aftermath feelings. Disgust. Degraded. Lost. Confused. Broken.

And what happens when they all find out? my dirty little secret?
Will they all scream in shame? Will they all laugh? Will they all be in disgust? Shocked?

and boys like you are dangerous and I should've never trusted you. no. mistake. mistake.

i am the biggest fuck up ever.

the other half of me, the [real] me is looking at me in disgust. nodding their head. refusing to help me because in the end i deserve to feel like absolute shit because i didn't fucking listen. i wanted to experiment, i wanted to have fun, i got too caught up in the moment and i was impulsive. i led myself to believe that i was completely okay with one night stands. that "temporary comfort" was what i wanted, i just kept doing it again and again because it felt good. but i knew, i fucking knew it was self-destructive.

so why do i keep lying to myself? in the end everyone that knew, KNEW this would happen. and i didn't listen because i always have to fucking rebel. i always have to prove them wrong. and now what?

so here i am. i am broken. i am bruised. my heart hurts because i got too fucking attached. my emotional health is a fucking wreck. i may be capable of holding it up on the outside but my insides are rotting. this is me. and this is my fault. and this is my fucking mistake.

now, why don't you tell me one more time how much of a fuck up i really am. clearly they enjoy it.