Bowen: Kendahl, I know we hooked up but it
doesn't mean we can't talk. I'm not a sextool.
Priceless.
Why did I know from the second he said that it was going to happen again? Intuition? Mutual understanding? Whatever it was. I don't mind. My prediction was right.
I hooked up with Bowen before I left for all my summer adventures. He was an interesting one night stand, one that I didn't get to explain in full detail. He was a gentleman. And I enjoyed every second of it. I hadn't spoken to him for the entire summer. Normally, you don't speak to your one night stand the next day or ever again. With...or at least with the frenchies too I spoke to them after all of this just happened. Bowen even bussed home with me the next day after. So random. So after this incident on facebook chat, I talked to him the next day and apologized that I wasn't there and had accidentally left my fb chat // computer on. I asked if how he was, he said he was going out and gave me his number and told me to text him. I followed his instructions. But no reply in return. I decided to invite him on fb to this gig I was going to the next day. He said he was attending so I texted him. Again, no reply. I went to the gig without any expectation. Of course, that's such a lie. Deep down I had high hopes. Mike's Hard & Vodka shots became my wingman for the night. I went into the venue and he was standing right in front of me. I decided to avoid him for 20 mins. Finally, I went up to him and said hi. We had a nice conversation. I invited him to accompany me to this party I was going to after. He agreed to and told me to find him after the gig. I don't know what it was, I don't know if it was some mutual brainwave but the second we saw each other and started talking, we both knew something was going to happen between us that night. I guess because I was drunk I was being really friendly with people and hugging a lot of guys. It was only because most of the people I knew there were guys and they were guys in the bands I did photoshoots for. Bowen and I ended up doing this strange thing where we were kind of making each other jealous unintentionally? I know he was flirting with other girls but I ignored that fact. When we left I somehow ended up being with a bunch of Gr. 11s ( they're actually graduating this year, but I still feel like I'm a senior even though I graduated. ) Strange thing, these kids went to my school but I never talked to them at all! He was flirting with this girl named Chelsea and I knew she had a bf. She looks like a downright bitch like actually. You know those kind of people that straight up look like one? Yeah. Well she is actually a perfectly decently nice human being. Like I said, never judge people. True fact.
Part me thinks he was flirting with her to get my attention and to make me jealous. Well it worked. Because damn right I was jealous. But she had to leave and we all ended up going to this girl Victoria's house. Before I forget, when we were at the gig like pretty much everyone knew I was drunk & I was basically carrying a mickey of vodka in my purse and was offering some to people. And he was like "Kendahl, are you trying to get me drunk?" I was like nooo....okay maybe. Haha. Anyways, as we were walking back he was like "Kendahl, why do you have to flirt with every guy?" I was like "What are you talking about?!" & he's like "I saw that guy on guitar, he winked at you!" (Okay, since I missed Locomotive's set, the band I work with I told them I was going to stay and at least watch Adam play guitar and Allan play drums for the girl who was headlining and I saw Adam on guitar and he waved to me and I waved to him and we're just friend and he winked at me....NBD) So I explained to him how I was friends with that guy and how I did photoshoots for his band. And then he blamed me for hitting on a Gr. 9 because when we were on the bus I saw one of my sister's friends and he looked really out of it so I asked him if he was okay and he said he was justa bit ill 'cause he drank too much. So I was just making sure he was okay. I explained to Bowen, that that kid legit look like he was gonna pass out so I was just asking if he needed any help. He kept teasing me about it. Jealous much? At Vick's house we all decied to watch a movie. Originally, I was sitting on another couch but he waved me over to come sit beside him. So I did and we ended up cuddling on the couch. Kay & Vick totally knew what was up. After the movie, we both went upstairs. Vick & Kay went into Vick's room and well Bowen and I went into the guest bedroom.
Stripped our clothing until we were both in our undergarments. Layed in bed side by side. Silence. Small conversation. That silence....letting the adrenaline build. Everything so enticing. Both individuals hesitant. Not knowing who will initiate the first move. He always uses the same line on me and I'm always a fucking sucker for it. "Won't you give me a goodnight kiss?" Cheesy, I know. But its always my cue to start it up. Lips touch. Kissing. Making out. Skin to skin contact. Passion. Kisses down my neck. to my stomach. down. down. down. lost. Completely caught up in the moment. All the elements that come into foreplay. We didn't want Kay & Vick to hear us so we snuck downstairs to the other guest bedroom. It was all so adventurous. Hidden. In plain darkness. Everything comes off. Bare. And we keep on kissing. For some odd reason, I can feel the passion between us. It's an intriguing thing. The way we move. Just like last time, the sex was amazing. Biting lips. Kisses in between gasps. Same old blood rush. It's like real ecstasy. He says he recalls we had two rounds last time and that we need to beat our record. Unfortunately [he] didn't last long so that kinda ruined our plan. Note to self: bring more protection next time. I decided to test him and suggested to do it without protection. He immediately responded with a "I don't really like that idea." I was impressed. Responsible child. Most guys don't care at all and would just go for it. He promised me we'd do it again in the near future, and hinted at the fact that his birthday was in 2 days. Birthday sex actually sounds enticing. Too bad it didn't happen. So after we sat on the couch. Talked for a bit. He kept teasing me
on how short I was but it was cute.We went back upstairs and just kinda cuddled and slept and spooned. God, I love spooning.
I think he fell asleep before me because I was still awake. A million thoughts all circulating in my mind. & my god, he hogs the blanket. Not fair. In the morning I was half awake, half asleep. There'd be moments where we'd seperate and all I wanted was to spoon. It made me happy when we did. How he would pull me closer. Gentle kisses on the shoulder. We finally woke up, greeted by kisses. And down. down. down. he goes again. Fingerbanging in the morning? Truth, sex is always harder when you have to be quiet. That sounds vulgar. But its true. He got changed and invited me to go downstairs with him. I stayed in bed a bit longer. He stroked my face. I smiled. Finally got myself out of bed and went downstairs. I don't know what it is but its always awkward in the morning. My head is always spinning. The words never push past my tongue. I want to say everything in that moment. I want to ask him what he's thinking. I want to know what this is between us. I don't care if its nothing but friends with benefits. Or just a random hookup that happened twice. I just need something to be clarified. to be established. It was kind of an awkward morning/afternoon. We both knew what happened but because Vick and Kay finally woke up and were there we could barely say anything. I think Vick and Kay figured out what happened and to my astonishment they wrote "Kendahl, are you having sex right now? haha - vick & kay" on facebook wall for EVERYTONE TO SEE. Worse, it was on there for a good 10 hours. He was about to leave and I was going to go with him but he just booked it out of there. I was going to talk to him but that didn't happen.
It was 12:30 ish and he started talking to me on fb chat. "Kendahl, where' my birthday wall post?" I was actually going to do that. We had a short conversation. I don't really know what I'm getting myself into. I really don't care if everything just fades. First off, I start university tomorrow and he's graduating this year. I have a new chapter in my life that involves meeting tons of new people. I don't have the time and place, no to mention the commitment right now to be in a steady relationship. I know, I promised myself I would lay off the one night stands but somethings things just happen. And I know not everyone believes in that because we all have choices and we all have control. And well, we both saw the opportunity coming, so why not take advantage of that? We both want temporary comfort. Pleasure. For me at least, I like the chase, the thrill of it. It's enticing. A lot of people don't comprehend how I can just do this and not feel guilty about it the next morning or how I can ever possibly be okay with myself and these actions of mine. these choices. Honestly, I really don't know myself. I mean sure I have to go through the aftermath feelings of it all. The 5 stages. Shock. Guilt. Depression. Frustration. Confusion. And then there's acceptance. At the end of the day, you take responsibility for your actions. You stand by your choices. And maybe in the end it probably wasn't the best choice. But you can sit there all you want and regret and feel terrible or you can say, well it happened, I wanted it to, no strings attached, what's done is done. You move on. You live life. You don't have to forget it.
Truth is, I'm a very impulsive person. I realize that. It's a flaw of mine. Often, I do things without thinking. I get incredibly caught up in the moment. This thing with Bowen is all very interesting. We're basically just fuck buddies. But I swear he's at least a little bit interested in me. I mean, he didn't have to hook up with me twice. And honestly speaking, I'm not that easy. Just lately, it appears as if I am but I've still got my dignity. I realize I contrast in so many ways. I contradict myself a lot. There are many sides to my personality. I am an oxymoron. What has shocked me is that in the morning I completely forgot about daylight. Everything is apparent. And well. I'm not surprised if he saw my body stained with scars. Old battle wounds from years ago. From a dark age. I wonder if he really saw them. I wonder what his thoughts are. I can see how this thing between us is toxic but at the same time I'm only pursuing it because I get something out of it. And I guess I'm attracted to him. How he's unpredictable. There's something interesting about him, I just can't seem to dissect. I want to know. I believe a real relationship can be established even if at first it's physical. I know, I must have the strangest mindset in the world. But it all depends on both individuals. I want to know his story.
I keep coming back to that a lot. But we'll see what happens. If nothing happens. Nothing happens.
and truth be told, I can't help it if he's a good fuck.
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