there is something wrong with me.
i should be freaking out, panicking because i have a 6 page essay due in 6 hours and a final but i'm not worried at all. i don't know why i've got so much damn optimism flowing through me. i'm not completely saying its a bad thing but it just seems like i should be focusing but my mind is always somewhere else.
i'm not even sure what i want out of this - this whole thing with Adam. i feel bipolar and i don't know if he's really in this. i'm letting him be, i haven't asked him what his answer is, i'm not enforcing anything. even with the attraction, i still feel like we're good friends. at the same time, i'm impatient because i'm one of those people that needs something to be instantaneous, time isn't really an option for me and i need to know the truth, that i didn't just fuck up a really good friendship. i need confirmation. and i think what's pushing me away a bit is the anticipation and how things are slow and nothing is really moving. i'm kind of tired of this pendulum action. sometimes things are still but sometimes me always having to take initiative to start a conversation is getting annoying and mundane for me. i'm losing interest because i know that i do want him to be something more but if he's not in this, he's wasting my time. although, i do have to give him credit for today because he did text me first (yes, i do pay attention to these things despite the fact i may seem a little bit obsessive) and it was cute but i don't know.
all i can do is wait for wednesday, if wednesday ever even gets here because i can waste time like there's no other but when i just think of him, it feels like eons and it drives me insane.
this is it basically. i like you a lot, and i don't think you understand what the frik you do to me. i like how we listen to the same music, how we both love Alex Gaskarth to the extent that we'd probably both end up marrying him haha, how you're passionate about music and you put your entire heart and soul into it, how you play guitar and learn random songs that i like because you know its a way of impressing me, how you sing even though i know you kind of suck, how you wear tight jeans and converses and band tees, how your hair is just so goddamn nice and you actually let me touch // play with it (hey some guys get all anal about their hair), how you take my advice -- even though sometimes i know you do it because you know i like that characteristic in a guy, how you make me laugh and we can say the stupidest things to each other and it won't matter, how we actually have a friendship to establish this on, how you subtly do certain gestures when you're with me even though it takes you a while to actually act upon it, how you listen to me when i need to vent, how you listen to my stories even though you don't understand them, how you tease me, how we share a love for dance parties and mosh pits, how you honestly confessed you're an inner disney child and watch JONAS & listen to them, how you know my style, how you let me dress you, how your focused and you know what you want, how you're so freaking intellectual it amazes me i forget how old you are sometimes, how you put up with my recklessness and think its funny even though you know i'm embarrassed, how you bring out my best and the fact that my heart is always smiling so big when you're around and my favourite, how we call each other raffiki (friend in swahili) and it means more to me than anything in the world knowing you are my friend.
and i sound like a crazy teenager in "love" or something but i think thats the only way to sum myself up right now.
i should be freaking out, panicking because i have a 6 page essay due in 6 hours and a final but i'm not worried at all. i don't know why i've got so much damn optimism flowing through me. i'm not completely saying its a bad thing but it just seems like i should be focusing but my mind is always somewhere else.
i'm not even sure what i want out of this - this whole thing with Adam. i feel bipolar and i don't know if he's really in this. i'm letting him be, i haven't asked him what his answer is, i'm not enforcing anything. even with the attraction, i still feel like we're good friends. at the same time, i'm impatient because i'm one of those people that needs something to be instantaneous, time isn't really an option for me and i need to know the truth, that i didn't just fuck up a really good friendship. i need confirmation. and i think what's pushing me away a bit is the anticipation and how things are slow and nothing is really moving. i'm kind of tired of this pendulum action. sometimes things are still but sometimes me always having to take initiative to start a conversation is getting annoying and mundane for me. i'm losing interest because i know that i do want him to be something more but if he's not in this, he's wasting my time. although, i do have to give him credit for today because he did text me first (yes, i do pay attention to these things despite the fact i may seem a little bit obsessive) and it was cute but i don't know.
all i can do is wait for wednesday, if wednesday ever even gets here because i can waste time like there's no other but when i just think of him, it feels like eons and it drives me insane.
this is it basically. i like you a lot, and i don't think you understand what the frik you do to me. i like how we listen to the same music, how we both love Alex Gaskarth to the extent that we'd probably both end up marrying him haha, how you're passionate about music and you put your entire heart and soul into it, how you play guitar and learn random songs that i like because you know its a way of impressing me, how you sing even though i know you kind of suck, how you wear tight jeans and converses and band tees, how your hair is just so goddamn nice and you actually let me touch // play with it (hey some guys get all anal about their hair), how you take my advice -- even though sometimes i know you do it because you know i like that characteristic in a guy, how you make me laugh and we can say the stupidest things to each other and it won't matter, how we actually have a friendship to establish this on, how you subtly do certain gestures when you're with me even though it takes you a while to actually act upon it, how you listen to me when i need to vent, how you listen to my stories even though you don't understand them, how you tease me, how we share a love for dance parties and mosh pits, how you honestly confessed you're an inner disney child and watch JONAS & listen to them, how you know my style, how you let me dress you, how your focused and you know what you want, how you're so freaking intellectual it amazes me i forget how old you are sometimes, how you put up with my recklessness and think its funny even though you know i'm embarrassed, how you bring out my best and the fact that my heart is always smiling so big when you're around and my favourite, how we call each other raffiki (friend in swahili) and it means more to me than anything in the world knowing you are my friend.
and i sound like a crazy teenager in "love" or something but i think thats the only way to sum myself up right now.
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