False hope and the unmentionables.

I feel like crying so hard.
I feel like hugging him tight.
And telling him it'll be all okay.
But I can't.
I can't give false hope to someone.

If I could re-live this day, this night I would.

Sitting beside him on the couch,
watching a horror movie.
Skins touch and you feel each other's warmth.
You're so close the air's compressed.
And everything feels right but you only wish for
him to put his arm around you.

Walking to the park and sitting on swings.
Dialogues of secrets and gossip.
And it feels just like a scene in a movie.
Everything feels perfect and you know you're getting close.

And the walk back to my house was the hardest journey I've ever done.
I told him my secret,
my story.
I told him about the tragic deaths of my past,
the horror of cutting and my use of drugs.
I told him about my disorders and my depression.
And then he spoke so softly.
And I would've never thought this. ever.
He said that he was depressed too.
And I asked why?
And he wouldn't tell me until he finally gave in.
He told me about the death of his grandmother and
the worse, his mother.
I was in complete shock.
And the sorrys were repeatedly said.
I just stopped instantly and gave him the biggest hug.
I couldn't imagine not having my mother here.
And we both cried silently.

I don't know.
Words can't even fully express how I feel right now.
And I'm still shocked.
Feeling stupid and helpless.
Because I want to help him so much.
But I can't.
False hope is nothing.
It is cruel.

Though, he did mention I was pretty good at covering up my scars.
And now I know one thing...we are very similar.

And right now.
I really wish I could just fix him.
Repair the broken pieces of his heart.
Tape it up or super glue it back.
Mend it and take care of it until he is truly happy.

Bu I guess I could say the same for myself.
Especially with my deadly secrets.

I don't know.
I just want to hug him.