'cause the spaces between my fingers, are right where yours fit perfectly

Thursday night I had the benefit of seeing the lovely Adam Young aka known as Owl City. It was a +19 gig so I always get a bit antsy before these gigs. Actually, I get pretty anxious before every gig I go to. So I brought my friend Amanda who knew nothing about Owl City but whatevz, I bribed her into letting me buy her drinks for the night. 30 mins before the show we met this girl named Jenny, she totally thought we were 19 and was really surprised when I told her we were both 17 and 18. She laughed. It was crazy, she went to the gig by herself so I invited her to hang out with us. I think she thinks I'm an alcoholic with the fact I kept hitting up the bar ever so often. So we get inside, and there's mostly young 20 year olds and a couple people that totally look underage. The Scene Aesthetic is up, and they played a very cute set. It reminds me of 9th Grade when I went through all those kinds of bands. 'Manda ends up seeing these guys she'd met a couple times and decided to go up and talk to them. I joined her and instantly thought one of them was really cute. Manda and I were only talking to two of the guys at the time and I honestly can't even remember what the hell we were talking about. The other two guys joined in our conversation and it was weird, the really "scene" guy named Daniel and the douchey one named Rob we're kinda "hitting on" me I suppose. I later found out they both had gfs but acted really single that night. What the fuck. Daniel was kind of being an asshole to me in a jokingly way the entire night.

So the Scene Aesthetic started to finish up and Manda and I went out for a smoke. We ended up chatting with the bouncers, which BY THE WAY were super friggin chill and awesome. I ran back inside when I heard Owl City come on. I ended up finding the guys and I'm pretty sure everyone was totally tanked 'cause Dylan and I started a friggin dance party in the "mosh pit." Honestly, I don't think I focused very much on Owl City because I was too busy laughing at Dylan dorkily dancing with me. But from what I remember. Owl City was fucking amazing and Adam Young is damn adorable. He sounds x 8940823094892308 better live. And surprisingly, you can find a beat in any of his tunes and dance away. Basically, Dylan and I were dancing up a storm and somehow getting caught up in all of it, I have no idea where in God's name this came from, but I got the impulse // courage to kiss him (and trust me, I never take initiative for most things especially when it comes to guys and I for one NEVER make the first move.) From what I recall we ended up lip locking for a good 10 minutes and I could hear people around us being childish and being like OOOOOOOH. I was like what the fuck?! Oh and people thought it was thoroughly amusing how we started a dance party. When "Saltwater Room" came on it was so cute and Breanne Duren was there to perform with Owl City! Once they got offstage everyone wanted an encore so they came back on to play "Fireflies." Dylan and I went crazy it was pretty hilarious. But it was so cute 'cause near the end he held my hand. Afterwards, is kind of a blur for me because the crowd dispersed pretty fast but we were all talking together and we all ended up meeting The Scene Aesthetic and got autographs. I told the lead singer that they played a really cute set and he gave me a hug. Andrew from TSA gave me a hug too and liked my owl necklace. Jenny ended up doing apple pie birthday shots with him because his bday was the next day. LUCKY GIRRRRL.

I remember we were all talking in a group and I kept telling Daniel how much of an asshole he was being to me and then he was like "okay, lets hug it out" it was funny. Especially since I couldn't even justify myself on how he was being an asshole. Thank you, alcohol. Then all of a sudden Dylan pulls me aside and says "come here." And kisses me. We started making out and I remember him sitting in a chair, and because I am so vertically challenged we were at the same height. Just me, standing between his legs. Kissing. I don't know what it is but you know when you can just feel your heart detonating jubilance and you're both just entirely in the moment but you can't help but smile while kissing? Yeah, that's how I felt. And I don't think thats ever happened to me. I mean yeah, I've hooked up with boys before but Dylan was different. I don't think I could explain the amazing chemistry between us. I swear it was NOT just the alcohol talking. I remember asking him how old he was he said 19. And how drunk he was and he said half way there.

Drunk kisses. But I don't mind them. Embrace me. That feeling of being in such a crowded room but you and him are the only ones dancing alone. Me and my cigarette breath. Your hands on my waist. Closed eyes. Smiles. Biting lips. Letting go. You tasting like beer. Hands through your hair. Eskimo kisses. Chemistry. Bittersweet.

We finally got out of the venue and he automatically latched onto me. We waited at the bus stop together and he just held me and hugged me. It was funny because Manda was like "hey Dylan, can I have my best friend back?" I don't know what got into us. But we only took the bus to one stop, I think 'Manda knew that I wanted to prolong this moment as long as I could. When I had to leave, I gave him a hug and kissed him goodbye. The next day after my midterm exam, I received a text from him. Just saying "Good afternoon." Its kind of tragic how simple words make your heart smile. We've been texting for the past couple of days with 5 - 12 hour intervals in between texts. Let me tell you, I am the most impatient person ever. I invited him to the Gossip gig on Thursday and I haven't gotten a reply in a day. I don't know why I'm investing so much time in this. Oh, and after Jeremy I decided to go on a strike from boys. As in no hooking up, no sex, no kissing, nothing. I only lasted 2 weeks and 5 days.

This is precisely why I went on strike in the first place. My mind is a dangerous weapon. And I think I'm falling for him. A stranger. I hardly know this person. This is so fucking dumb. But why am I still trying? I need to stop over-analyzing but I can't help but question what his intentions are. All I know is that he seems sweet. And that we had intense chemistry there. And perhaps he is slightly interested. But there's all the in betweens. All the missing words. And usually when I hook up with guys I think they're attractive and its more of a physical thing. But I don't know. With Dylan it's different. There's this sense of just knowing you just click with someone. And I don't think it helps that he lives an hour and a half away, making him not so tangible is also making me fancy him even more. I discovered he's in a band, plays guitar, skateboards and takes photos. I am a sucker for all those things. And I don't think he even knows he's pulling at my heart strings. Oh to be seventeen and so naive. I haven't fancied someone like this in a really long time. Okay maybe frenchie. But that doesn't count because we went from strangers to doing the most intimate thing possible. So no. With Dylan, I don't even want to have sex with him, that says a lot okay. Considering I've just been hooking up with boys lately just for pleasure, which is really idiotic, I know. He's just so goddamn adorable, I can't handle it. Honestly. He's a freaking mash up of Mitchell Davis, frenchie & a brown haired version of Ron Weaseley. I can't even express how cute this boy is. I just really don't know what to do with myself. But I know I have to be patient with this. And I know I can't have expectations. I just need to let it be. But wow, writing this has taken me 4 hours. Its almost 4 am and I swear my insomnia has NOT been this bad in 2 years. I should not be allowed to think this much. But someone tell me, what is "love"? and apparently its amazing, i mean everyone talks about it, all the bands on sing about it, and everyone tells me its everywhere but i feel like i'm missing out big time and i have no idea how to find it.

seriously. i just want to get to know this kid. just dance. not even get drunk. just talk. lay in bed and listen to some Owl City or Bon Iver together. thats it.

all i want to do is ride bikes with you &
stay up late and watch cartoons.