everything in the face of a clock.

i know we all have felt like time has been going by too fast. but this time it's unlike anything else. someone tell me, where did september go? where are the days, the hours, these minutes going? i feel like i've been running so fast, no time to stop. breathe. i barely even have to time to just sit and read. or even do art. like actually MY art. not just assignments from school.

the homework is piling up, even though i am actually prioritizing my time i still can't seem to keep up. i just want to hit the pause button. i can't even remember a day when i actually could fall asleep peacefully and wake up feeling good. sleep feels so faraway. it always does.

i just want to runaway to Paris, as outrageously ridiculous as that may seem. i want to do it so badly.

and i know that saying "wherever you go, there you are" but right now it doesn't apply to me. maybe on another day it does. but not today. today, i miss that city. i miss the vibrance of such a beautiful culture. i miss 4 pm drinks and how exhaling smoke is actually considered classy there. i miss jen, frankie and i getting lost. i miss rides on the metro. i miss being free, roaming around the city. i miss wandering the streets at 3 am. i miss fancy champagne. i miss hearing everyone speak such a lovely, eloquent language. i miss people's bluntness. i miss always spotting a gypsy. i miss La Seine. i miss baguettes and real pasteries. i miss cafés on every block. i miss visiting monuments. i miss being surrounded by art and history every day. i miss all those pretty people. i miss the fashion. i miss avant-garde. i miss belonging. i miss feeling alive. i miss him.


and i know its all silly, believe me people think i'm insane. but i believe in this city so much and my love for it. and maybe i'm not there, but this love is still growing. and the naivety and stupidity of me still falling for him is delusional and incredibly absurd but this time, trying to shove the feelings in an empty box and throwing it away doesn't seem appropriate. i don't want to forget. i can't let go. i don't want these memories to fade. so i hold on. i still hold on.

There comes a time for everyone
To find a place where they belong
Feeling alone out on the ocean

Yours and mine are different yet the same
Go out, come back again
Harboring most of the emotion

Quand tu arrives a Paris
Tu ne veux pas partir
Quand to arrives a Paris
Tu ne peux que sentir
L'amourm la joie
Tu veux jamais rentrer chez-toi