3 am.

there's something about being awake at 3 am that makes me feel so alive. i find comfort in all the late hours of the night. i am notorious for being the biggest night owl. procrastination isn't what i'm suffering from, its this appeal that not getting things done makes me feel more rebellious or somehow in my own way i'm fighting the system. i don't know. i like listening to explosions in the sky, switchfoot and tiny dancer by elton john late, late at night. there's something captivating about the music you choose to listen to at random times of the day. all i know is that its raining, raining buckets. i can hear the raindrops reverberating off my rooftop and ironically, as much as i dislike the rain, tonight its calming. my tea's gone cold and its left a strange aftertaste in my mouth. the randomnest people start talking to me on facebook chat at all the late hours of the night. its funny and interesting and intriguing all at the same time. i won't over-analyze maybe i'm just one of those go-to people. but rob did say something that does hold a bit uncertainty. he told me he couldn't sleep, i told him to go to bed, he said well i got preoccupied talking to some girl. i'm not sure if it was directed to me or not but still, just a tinge of suspicion right there? i keep laughing in my sleep because i don't even know whats happening in my life right now, everything seems messy and disorganized. it isn't your typical chaos where the walls come crashing down and hopelessness comes into play, its more of a beautiful disaster, unknowingly giving birth to things i had forgotten about or to little tokens of hope. whatever the future is stirring up i'm ready for it. its all scary and enticing and strange but i like it. the unexpected will always be my best friend, i'll take it with me to my grave. i swear.

oh, and i've been feeling beautiful lately...consecutive days now that's pretty impressive. i will write about it later though.

but this, 3 am and inner peace and self-assurance and just blatantly content is enough to keep me going for tomorrow.