[Listening to: This Is Twice Now - Lydia]I haven't written in 3 days. I'm out of routine! I can't really remember what has happened for the last couple of days as it has been boring and slow. But I have a week left of school 'till winter break and I am hella excited! I need a break so badly.
So yesterday was Christina's party and it was pretty fun and interesting. I'm glad I went. But there was wayyyyy too much drama to handle for one night. Basically Cooper fancied these two boys and everyone was betting to see who she'd choose. And she chose her ex, Warren. She was being a complete attention whore and whoring herself around with him and everyone. It was pretty disgusting since her and Warren completely toppled over the couch and were making out in front of everyone causing a huge scene. Ew. And then there was drama with Kelly and her bf, Tyler. Tyler was being a douche to her and completely avoiding her the entire night and Kelly did nothing wrong and I had to comfort her because she was really upset/frustrated and was crying. Also, the typical who's-hooking-up-with-who kinda jazz. Yeah, Zoe and Kyle definitely had a little somethin' somethin' going on. Haha. Same with Nichola and Tim, which is pretty bad since Tim is dating Alexis. But I swear every time I needed to find Nichola she'd be with him. It was pretty funny. And ohgod, then there was Fiona. She was HELLA TRASHED. Completely making an idiot out of herself, throwing herself at people and basically being outrageously ridiculous and licking people's faces. It was kinda funny 'cause some boys rejected her. And I remember a lot of people we're gathered at the top of the stairs and she squeezed herself in between Nichola and Mike and began throwing herself all over Mike. It was hilarious 'cause he was looking at me being like WTF! WTF! WTF! I had to save him numerous times from Fiona harassing him. Ohgod, and that time I pulled Fiona back and she completely sat on top of me. Not pleasant at all. At one point, she started babbling about how we don't talk anymore and how we should talk more and how she dislikes this awkwardness between us. I thought to myself, that's bullshit because she doesn't have any concern of what goes on in my life and that was just the drunkeness talking.
I thought it was pretty coo' the setup it was an almost-dancefloor. I danced a lot it was fun, plus I was pretty effing high. It felt as if my high lasted so incredibly long, I'm not sure if it's because I had some stuff to drink as well? Well I did something so embarrassing. So there was this ginger kid there and he was like MEGA APPARENT GINGER KID, like Ron Weasley. And I love ginger kids. So I went into the living room where everyone was and I was like WHERE'S THE GINGER KID? SO LOUD. And he heard me and looked at me like I was demented. I felt like an idiot. But it was the weed talking. It was pretty funny though but I felt bad about it and I tried to apologize to him but he either didn't remember by the time I talked to him or just ignored me and thought I was nonsensical-mindless loser. I felt bad for him though because someone chunderred all over his blanket and he had to hose it off and someone apparently stole his car keys.
But omg. The dancing part was epic. I felt at times as though the party died but then it would build up again. It was annoying at times because someone kept stealing Tina's iPod remote. Plus, there was some sketchy people there like the 25-year old Randy who's BTW the BIGGEST FUCKING CREEPER EVER and this guy Mark who went through Cooper's purse and was just super sketchy overall. Anyways, I got to sing/dance to "Burnin' Up" by the JoBros. IT WAS AMAZING. Kelly, Cooper and I were screaming so loud, my throat hurt so much afterwards. haha. And a couple of us we're singing/dancing to "Get Low" by Lil Jon and Steph's bf, Roy got so into it, especially the "SKEET SKEET MUTHAFUCKAAA" it was hilarious! And then there was me kinda being a whore and grinding with Mike. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING THROUGH MY MIND. I really don't know.
So as the time went by and the party emptied out, Kelly, Kyle and I decided to walk 7 blocks to McDonald's at 2 am. It was quite fun actually. When we came back Mike was sitting on the couch so I decided to sit opposite to him. Kelly was reading Twilight and we all had a discussion about it and how we liked the movie but didn't. And how it's the cheesiest shit ever created since Disney Channel. So then Kel left and Mike was reading Twilight so I decided to sit beside him. We were reading a page and saying how it was super corny and stuff. Eventually, we decided to go to sleep.
So basically Mike and I were on the couch spooning/cuddling. I was still kinda high but it was wearing off. I was aware of what was happening, completely. Everything just felt nice in the moment. We were just being quiet, whispering nonsense to each other and always alert to see who was running up and down the stairs. I don't know. I felt quite safe in his arms. Bodies touching. Exchanging body heat. It was just nice for once in my life to be held, to be caressed and just cared about even if it was just for the night. The thing is, we were so close and we were trying to "fall asleep" but I knew it wasn't going to happen any time soon.I kept teasing him how he was still awake. There were moments where I'd shut my eyes and just listen to his nervous breaths. It was funny how anxious we both got. I knew he wanted something to happen and I knew I did too. But I didn't know how and when. Then suddenly he kissed me. It was really immediate and it kinda shocked me. I guess you could say it was kinda awkward for my first kiss. [I know, tragic isn't it?] I was kinda laughing at myself in my head because I had no idea what the hell I was doing. And of course, this led to making out. We stopped for a bit and FOR SOME FUCKING REASON I DECIDED TO BE AN IDIOT and told him that I had honestly never done this before and he asked me why. And I remember telling him saying I didn't think I deserved this. And he said that everyone deserves this. So then we kissed a bit more and I laughed a bit and told him I was bad at this. He laughed and said he was bad at this too. It was cute.
I don't know. My mind was rushing so fast. My heart was beating at an extreme pace. We were definitely getting into it. He started kissing my neck and stuff. And I knew I fancied it. All of it. His hands found his way down my back. I am pretty certain for a fact that things could've gone farther but I stopped it because I was feeling really tired and I didn't want things to get out of hand. I honestly can't believe I did that. But then again, I was kinda expecting too. I mean, I wanted something to happen last night and well it did. But I'm not sure how I feel about all this. I mean it all seemed really lovely at the time and I don't really feel "slutty" about it but for some reason I feel guilty and I know I shouldn't be.
The problem now is, I am craving all of this more than I should. And I really don't want to end up fancying Mike. It's just too weird.
Ohman. What a night. Definitely eventful. And of course, Cooper, being the loud/obnoxious girl that she is had to make a big deal out of the situation and came down at 8:30 in the fucking morning screaming LAHBRA! MIKE! WHAT THE FUCK! That was definitely our cue to get up. I honestly didn't care if people found us on the couch. I was too exhausted to have everyone's opinion affect me. Haha. Well at least Chritina and Kelly were nice about it and thought we were really cute.
I don't know. My mind's a bit blurry and it's late [it's actually 2:30 am]. I'll post pics later. Ohgod, and Steph has a million "dirty/naughty/inappropriate" pics of everyone. It's kind of funny.
I feel a bit relieved though. I don't think this "kiss" was forced. It just kinda was [inevitable] and I guess you could say it "just happened."
Lahbra unleashed. ;)
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