Progress.

[Listening to: In Your Sleep - Andrew Belle]

My scars are fading. I am content. I haven't SI-ed in, I believe a little more than a week, so this is progress. Starting from square one, again. But this is a learning process. A healing process.

The text on my arm says:

all our scars will disappear, like the stars at dawn

and all of our pain, will fade away when morning comes. 

It's the lyrics from "For Miles" by Thrice. They are such an epic band. 

So winter break has pretty much started. I haven't gone to school at all this week. Haha. Well I've gone to certain classes but yesterday I didn't go at all. I feel as if I have all this freedom on my hands but I have no idea what to do with it. 

Also, I've been talking to Mike but I think I'm just going to treat it as a hook-up because I've tried talking to him over facebook messages and GODDAMNIT that boy is NOT RECIPROCAL at all. I mean, c'mon at least ask me how I am then just giving 3 words or one syllable words. It really irritates me when people cannot hold a proper conversation. 

Well that's that. I'm still wearing hope around my neck...unfortunately. But I think it's a good thing. I don't think I'll send him another message unless I really feel like it. I mean, afterall he's a bit skeptical just because of what I've heard and I know I shouldn't really listen to the whispers but it's a bit questionable the things he's done and who he hangs out with. I mean his good friend is Warren who's now Cooper's lover which obviously spells drama. Hmm.

I don't know. We'll see, we'll see. But I have to say I am pretty damn content with life despite random little mishaps. And Christina intends on throwing a New Year's Eve party so Mike might be there and hopefully we can give it a go...again?

Oh yeah, and my cousins from Los Angeles are coming up. I fully intend on corrupting the both of them. Haha. Well perhaps, I'll bring Meghan along to one of the parties. It'd be hilarious. Wow, I'm cruel. But I doubt my plan would follow through anyways.

Anyways, I'm learning to love myself more and when to hold on and when to let go. And I think good things are possibly coming my way. I don't know. Only time can tell. But whatever this so-called "light" shining on me is, I hope it stays for a while. Despite the cold December weather, my heart hasn't been heavy for some time now and I can finally breathe.

"To have hope is to believe for change, to believe in a better ending."

- Jamie Tworkowski