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[Listening to: Ships - Umbrellas]
So today was Christmas. It didn't feel like it at all. Something's weird about this year. There's too much time. Too much space to think. These quiet moments. And I feel as if the tradition(s) have faded. There's not spirit. It's just the cold December weather upon us, nothing more.
Depressing isn't it? I didn't do much. Just eat. Watch Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian, which by the way I love just because Ben Barnes is manificient and extremely gorgeous. And of course, we opened presents once it was 12 am. I must say though I got a lot of nifty gifts:
- Jac Vanek bracelets; legit, brutal, wallflower, trainwreck, peace, live, ruthless
- Audrey Kitching tee from Hot Topic
- 2 dresses from Betsey Johnson (my mum was lovely and got one of them for grad !!!)
- LiveLavaLive shirt: "This Is Awkward But I Like It"
- the book, I believe it's called "3 Cups of Tea"
- ice cream cone necklace + diamond shaped necklace
- HOT PINK DOC. MARTINS!!!!
Later on we did the annual Christmas dinner at Sarah's. I love going to these just because when I was younger I always loved seeing Sarah. I know we're cousins but we're pretty much bestfriends. And every year my family is always "fashionably" late. Haha. I have to say though the cousins are pretty cliquey...or maybe it's just Sarah and I. We always tend to go off together and then it's usually Meghan, Colby and Sam then it's the boys, Ryan, Sean, Alex, Sean and Mike.
But this year felt short. I screamed at Sarah 'cause I was so excited to see her. It's insane how I hadn't seen her since August! Usually we see each other more often but we've both been pretty busy because of Gr. 12. And of course every freakin' year, my sister, Colby and I have to try and include Meghan. This happens every year. Seriously. Either my mum or my aunt has to ask me to include her and talk to her because she gets uncomfortable at these family events. It's because Meg's family lives in L.A and they don't get to see much of their extended family except at Christmas time. So this year, like every bloody year, my sister and I try and get Meg talking to the other cousins, include her in what were doing but the fucking problem is that she neveer takes initiative! She never takes that step further to actually speak up and talk. It's as if she feels prohibited to talk. It's like if she even whispers someone's going to shoot her or something. Bloody hell. I mean, I LOVE MEG TO DEATH. She's amazing and everything but it aggravates me how she doesn't even TRY to have a conversation with any of the cousins, NOT EVEN SARAH. And Sar is always really kind to her and always trying to get her to make dialogue. Seriously. It's annoying. -- Mainly just because Sarah, Colby and I were really getting into singing "Stop & Stare" by OneRepublic and we were all having fun just singing while Ginstah played the piano. Even Sean took over for a bit and started playing "A Hundred Miles" on the piano by Vanessa Carlton. LMFAO. And then my dad said we had to go but my sister and I didn't want to because we were having fun and then mum had to be a cow and guilt trip us and say that we had to go because Meghan wanted to leave and felt uncomfortable.
Argh. I'm sorry but obviously it's going to be awkward if you just befriend the quiet, remain silent the whole time and be fucking anti-social. It's been like 17 years and Meg still hasn't gotten the courage to talk. I mean you think by now the girl would at least TRY and say something, you know? Try and get out of her comfort zone. I mean she only sees the family once a year. Or not even. AND BLOODY HELL IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!!
I don't know. It just didn't really feel like X-mas at all. It makes me sad that the family isn't as close as it used to be. I miss the cousins getting together and performing songs. I miss being stupid with them and going to Hihume. I miss family gatherings, the way they used to be. I feel like we're falling apart. Or maybe this is just growing up. And we're all too busy, no time for efforts. Tragic.
Thank god, I still have Sarah though. I'll always have Sarah. I mean lately we haven't talked or seen each other as much as I would like to but hey. I know she'll always be there for me, so it's awesome. And vice versa.
Although, I have to credit my Uncle Jack for making a slideshow of pictures of the family throughout the years. That was really lovely. And I laughed way too hard at some of those pictures my throat hurts.
And omg. Adam looks hilarious. He seems pretty stable though, unlike before. I miss talking to him. He's like my "older brother" but his hair is so effing long and it's hilarious because he thinks he's so rock n' roll now that he's got his band going and he's trying to make it into the music industry. Lawlage.
Oh yeah, Sarah gave me her journal as a temporary gift. To explain everything that has happened this year, the emptiness that's between us, the dishonesty, the quiet moments. I've read most of it and I can see that "Christianity" and "God/Christ" mean a lot to her. I didn't realize how committed she was to "Him." And how she's literally devoted her soul/heart/life to "Him." Also, I found out she really did fancy Ryan Smith. I knew that for a while I just didn't tell her. She writes beautifully though. There are some things I can identify with but the religious part is out of the question although she did mention something about trying to talk to me about it...hmmm.
Ohwell, I'm a bit better now that I've typed everything out. I just really miss the way things used to be. The way the family, cousins used to be. How we all used to be. Oh, how time changes everything.
So today was Christmas. It didn't feel like it at all. Something's weird about this year. There's too much time. Too much space to think. These quiet moments. And I feel as if the tradition(s) have faded. There's not spirit. It's just the cold December weather upon us, nothing more.
Depressing isn't it? I didn't do much. Just eat. Watch Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian, which by the way I love just because Ben Barnes is manificient and extremely gorgeous. And of course, we opened presents once it was 12 am. I must say though I got a lot of nifty gifts:
- Jac Vanek bracelets; legit, brutal, wallflower, trainwreck, peace, live, ruthless
- Audrey Kitching tee from Hot Topic
- 2 dresses from Betsey Johnson (my mum was lovely and got one of them for grad !!!)
- LiveLavaLive shirt: "This Is Awkward But I Like It"
- the book, I believe it's called "3 Cups of Tea"
- ice cream cone necklace + diamond shaped necklace
- HOT PINK DOC. MARTINS!!!!
Later on we did the annual Christmas dinner at Sarah's. I love going to these just because when I was younger I always loved seeing Sarah. I know we're cousins but we're pretty much bestfriends. And every year my family is always "fashionably" late. Haha. I have to say though the cousins are pretty cliquey...or maybe it's just Sarah and I. We always tend to go off together and then it's usually Meghan, Colby and Sam then it's the boys, Ryan, Sean, Alex, Sean and Mike.
But this year felt short. I screamed at Sarah 'cause I was so excited to see her. It's insane how I hadn't seen her since August! Usually we see each other more often but we've both been pretty busy because of Gr. 12. And of course every freakin' year, my sister, Colby and I have to try and include Meghan. This happens every year. Seriously. Either my mum or my aunt has to ask me to include her and talk to her because she gets uncomfortable at these family events. It's because Meg's family lives in L.A and they don't get to see much of their extended family except at Christmas time. So this year, like every bloody year, my sister and I try and get Meg talking to the other cousins, include her in what were doing but the fucking problem is that she neveer takes initiative! She never takes that step further to actually speak up and talk. It's as if she feels prohibited to talk. It's like if she even whispers someone's going to shoot her or something. Bloody hell. I mean, I LOVE MEG TO DEATH. She's amazing and everything but it aggravates me how she doesn't even TRY to have a conversation with any of the cousins, NOT EVEN SARAH. And Sar is always really kind to her and always trying to get her to make dialogue. Seriously. It's annoying. -- Mainly just because Sarah, Colby and I were really getting into singing "Stop & Stare" by OneRepublic and we were all having fun just singing while Ginstah played the piano. Even Sean took over for a bit and started playing "A Hundred Miles" on the piano by Vanessa Carlton. LMFAO. And then my dad said we had to go but my sister and I didn't want to because we were having fun and then mum had to be a cow and guilt trip us and say that we had to go because Meghan wanted to leave and felt uncomfortable.
Argh. I'm sorry but obviously it's going to be awkward if you just befriend the quiet, remain silent the whole time and be fucking anti-social. It's been like 17 years and Meg still hasn't gotten the courage to talk. I mean you think by now the girl would at least TRY and say something, you know? Try and get out of her comfort zone. I mean she only sees the family once a year. Or not even. AND BLOODY HELL IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!!
I don't know. It just didn't really feel like X-mas at all. It makes me sad that the family isn't as close as it used to be. I miss the cousins getting together and performing songs. I miss being stupid with them and going to Hihume. I miss family gatherings, the way they used to be. I feel like we're falling apart. Or maybe this is just growing up. And we're all too busy, no time for efforts. Tragic.
Thank god, I still have Sarah though. I'll always have Sarah. I mean lately we haven't talked or seen each other as much as I would like to but hey. I know she'll always be there for me, so it's awesome. And vice versa.
Although, I have to credit my Uncle Jack for making a slideshow of pictures of the family throughout the years. That was really lovely. And I laughed way too hard at some of those pictures my throat hurts.
And omg. Adam looks hilarious. He seems pretty stable though, unlike before. I miss talking to him. He's like my "older brother" but his hair is so effing long and it's hilarious because he thinks he's so rock n' roll now that he's got his band going and he's trying to make it into the music industry. Lawlage.
Oh yeah, Sarah gave me her journal as a temporary gift. To explain everything that has happened this year, the emptiness that's between us, the dishonesty, the quiet moments. I've read most of it and I can see that "Christianity" and "God/Christ" mean a lot to her. I didn't realize how committed she was to "Him." And how she's literally devoted her soul/heart/life to "Him." Also, I found out she really did fancy Ryan Smith. I knew that for a while I just didn't tell her. She writes beautifully though. There are some things I can identify with but the religious part is out of the question although she did mention something about trying to talk to me about it...hmmm.
Ohwell, I'm a bit better now that I've typed everything out. I just really miss the way things used to be. The way the family, cousins used to be. How we all used to be. Oh, how time changes everything.
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